I need heating!

It’s a week into December.

Three days ago, I was swimming in the sea. The weather was beautiful, the sky blue and cloudless. Then two days ago, I woke up and my bedroom was freezing. The sky was still blue and cloudless, but the temperature had dropped big time.

‘No swimming today,’ I thought.

Bloody hell, winter in the Algarve.

Things change fast here, and these houses aren’t meant for cold weather. They have a thin skin, insulation is at a minimum (although after my renovations, downstairs tends to stay warm). The houses get damp. Damp leads to mould. Mould isn’t good, and the only way to deter it is good ventilation. Good ventilation means leaving windows open. Leaving windows open means less damp but more cold… like I said, bloody hell.

I leave my bedroom window open all year now, after a very mouldy first year here. So heating is important. With no central heating, I tend to use the heating element of my air conditioning units. This seems to do the job, and doesn’t cost too much. I’m happy with the way things are, until the night before last, when my air conditioning in the lounge stopped pumping out warm air. Noooo!!!!!

First things first, I switched off the air conditioning unit (who wants more cold air than they already have?) legged it upstairs and grabbed my big Fat Face jumper. I bloody love my Fat Face jumper, and especially so that evening.

Secondly, I messaged João. João serviced my air conditioning units once. I didn’t hold out much hope of a response, but you’ve got to be in it to win it. I then set about planning an alternative solution (ie. buying some sort of heater).

I survived the evening and went to bed. Two minutes after getting into bed, my phone pinged. It was João. He was telling me that he would TRY and be with me the next afternoon. Mmmm… I wasn’t going to hold my breath. It wasn’t a definite, and when something isn’t definite in Portugal, it rarely happens. In fact, sometimes, the definite things don’t happen either, but that’s another story.

I woke up cold and early the next morning (yesterday). I was due to see the doctor for my regular six-monthly appointment at 9:30am, so had to catch the 7:53am train. The next one would be leaving three minutes before my appointment, if it was on time – no use to me at all.

The train was a little late, but I didn’t worry, I obviously had time on my hands. Once in Olhão, I wandered slowly up to Ria Shopping. Auchan opens at 8:30am and I knew that they would have heaters.

At 8:30am, after a couple of minutes waiting, the shutters went up and in I went with a gaggle of other people. I headed for the ‘heater’ section, and surprisingly, there wasn’t much in the way of a selection. But what they did have was a small Rowenta model that I’d heard a lot of good things about: effective, cheap to run and quiet.

That would be the one I’d buy, but not right now – I had a doctor’s appointment to attend, hadn’t I?

I headed up to the Centro de Saúde which sits behind Ria Shopping, got my ticket (yes, I have finally sussed which one I need to get – result!), waited for my number to come up and spoke to the receptionist. Before I knew it, I was having my blood pressure and weight taken. Good blood pressure reading apparently, not so good on the weight. Oh well…

Five minutes later (it still wasn’t even 9:00am), I was in with the doctor. We chatted, discussed bits and bobs, and she said that she would give me an appointment for six-month’s time:

‘Before you come, you must do your tests in May. The yearly tests.’

Had it really been a year since I’d done my last set of tests?

‘Does that include the poo test…?’ I queried, falteringly.

She laughed:

‘Yes, it includes the poo test. Every two years until you are seventy-four.’

Bloody hell. Another seven poo tests to go. Well, that was something to look forward to.

Fifteen minutes later, I was out of there and heading back to Auchan, where I bought my heater and a loaf of bread – an eclectic mix, I know. I then headed to the train station via my accountant’s place where I dropped off some documents.

I had some time to wait at the train station before my train arrived (at 10:10am) and on time, and spent it explaining to some American tourists which direction they needed to go in and which platform to use. I simply wondered:

‘How did they ever get to Portugal?’

Seven minutes later, I was back in Fuseta, and once home, I was testing my heater. It would definitely do the job. I was happy. Now all I had to do was wait and see whether João turned up.

At 5:30pm I received a text message. Was it good new or bad news? It was good news.

‘I will be with you in fifteen minutes, David.’

Woohoo! It was all coming together. Fifteen minutes later, João arrived, gave each of my units a clean, told me about the mad ladies who were swimming at 7:00am this morning when he was walking his dog on the beach, and before I could say: ‘Blimey, would you Adam and Eve it?’ there was hot air pouring out of my air conditioning unit.

And then, and only after I’d asked how much, he ummed and aahed and said with a question mark:

‘Ten euros?´

Only ten euros? I gave him twenty. He’d done me a huge favour after all. But he baulked at taking it.

‘I cannot take this.’

‘Yes, you can.’

‘No, I can’t.’

‘Yes, you can. It’s Christmas.’

At the mention of Christmas, he relented. The season of goodwill and all that. He actually blushed and then took the money.

‘Thank you very much,’ he said, smiling graciously.

And with that, he wandered off into the darkening Fuseta evening, with his bag in one hand, his ladder in the other, and a crisp twenty euro note in his pocket.

As for me, I enjoyed the benefits of a warm lounge that evening, and when I went upstairs to bed, took my new heater with me. I’m currently sleeping on the top floor of my house for various reasons (reasons which I may or may not divulge at some point) and there is no heating or air con up there.

I placed the heater next to my bed and plugged it in. But I didn’t switch it on. I was there to sleep and I didn’t want to leave it on all night.

This morning, I woke up to a cold room. I turned, switched on my new heater and… and bliss! A blast of warm air crossed over me, allowing me to sit up and write this.

I’m now well happy, since I have some form of heating on all three floors. I think I’m going to enjoy this winter in the Algarve.

And in case you were wondering, I now have João on speed dial – just in case.