Give yourself a reason…

Life here is weird. I have to be honest. I can’t work out what it’s all about.

Am I retired? Should I still be working? Should I just make the most of the fact that I can live here cheaply and do the things that I love most: walk, swim, drink beer, see friends…?

Yes, I really have no idea – and that’s half the problem.

During your working life, you have to be up at a certain time, dressed by a certain time, on the train at a certain time, at work at a certain time. Then at the end of the day, everything happens in reverse. Life is simple. Life is organised. Life is… structured, to such an extent that you can’t really think outside the box. This is your existence and woe betide you if you don’t follow the rules, the regime, the same routine day in, day out.

When I came here, suddenly, I had enough money to live outside this regular lifestyle. I had enough money to ignore reality and simply do what I wanted to do, with the only problem being what that actually was.

When I first arrived, I bought a couple of properties and so my days were busy: looking for a builder, looking for a builder once more, choosing a builder, deciding what I needed doing, buying the materials for the builder to do what was necessary.

Then, all of a sudden, the building was done (well, as far as the money would allow), and my time was my own.

So, what then?

Well, it was obvious, wasn’t it? Simply enjoy myself. So, that’s what I did. But there’s a problem with that. When you only have yourself to worry about, you need self-discipline. You need some structure. You need to have a reason to get out of bed.

Mmmm…. it’s not always that simple.

It’s so easy to have a plan and then simply think: ‘Manãna…’ or as they say here in Portugal: ‘Até amãnha’. Nothing really matters.

Yes, why not put off until tomorrow what you can do today. In fact, why not put it off until next week, or next month, or even, dare I say it, put it off until next year.

Putting things off is so easy here.

The routine for many people is to do their chores and then head out for a drink. I don’t think this is necessarily a good thing. As for me, I try hard to avoid going out for a beer too often (and fail miserably, obviously), and when it comes to chores, well… definitely ‘Até amãnha’. I’m not a big fan of housework, I can tell you.

Am I being lazy? Am I a wrong ‘un? Or is it simply that I am unable to structure my life? There is a little bit of structure, obviously. I try and walk every day (unless it’s raining), swim often (unless it’s too cold or murky), write bollocks, cook, eat and wash up (occasionally), and of course, there’s always ‘Midsomer Murders’ to watch at 13:30pm…

But apart from that?

It just seems so easy to put things off.

I read the other day that people with ADHD often get nothing done because the thought of what needs to be done overwhelms them and they end up doing nothing. Is that me? I’m starting to think that maybe I am ADHD. But what are the signs?

There are nine apparently?

# 01 Impulsiveness: yes, once upon a time I went for a drive and by the time I came home, I’d bought a house. Yes, I can be fairly impulsive.

#02 Disorganisation and problems prioritising: no, not so much, at least I don’t think so. I can prioritise the things that I need to do, but it’s the doing that’s the problem…

#03 Poor time management skills: Mmmm… to be honest, I hate being late for something that has been scheduled, but I will also put off what can be left until tomorrow. One of the very few bad dreams that I’ve had is having to sit an exam after having done no preparation… does dreaming this count?

#04 Problems focusing on a task: well, it depends what the task is. Drinking a load of beer? No problem. Having to do chores or housework? Oh yes…

# 05 Having trouble multitasking: I’m a bloke aren’t I?! Of course I have trouble multi-tasking!

#06 Excessive activity or restlessness: well, when I’m sitting down, my legs tend to jig up and down rather a lot. In fact, Mum used to tell me off about it: ‘stop jigging!’ she’d say. Yes, I think there’s a lot of restlessness in me.

#07 Poor planning: Mmmm… this is a difficult one. Seeing as I was a project manager in my former life. In fact, I find planning a project easy. But in my own life? Not so much.

# 08 Low frustration tolerance: to be honest, I have no idea what this means, which is frustrating, and I can’t tolerate that.

# 09 Problems following a task through: oh yes… I have lots of ideas, and I start lots of things, but…

And so, what is the diagnosis? Well, decide for yourself, but ADHD seems a reasonable, if only partial, diagnosis to me. But I’m self-medicating nowadays (although medicating is probably the wrong term). Nowadays, part of my daily structure is writing down what needs to be done the next day. And the result? Over the last week, I’ve got so much more done than I have for the last few months. The system seems to be working. It’s not perfect, obviously, but it’s better than nothing. If I give myself ten things to do and get eight done, I’m not going to beat myself up.

But to wrap this rambling up, I think that if you come here to retire, you need to give yourself a reason for being, for being here, give yourself a reason to get up, a reason to live and enjoy.

I have my reasons to live and enjoy, I’m just hanging out to get there, that’s all. Know what I mean?